That’s Life

By Nat Bruzon                                     

Advertising is a very competitive business. In order to maximise results, advertising companies aim their advertisements at particular sections of the market.

Recently, my attention was drawn to a competition with an overseas holiday as prize which seemed to be aimed at those without any brains whatsoever.  In order to win, the ‘brainless’ were required to text or phone the answer to the following question:  (gospel truth)

What document is required to travel abroad?    Is it:          

(a)  A Passport?

(b)  A Gas bill?

(c) A Bus pass?

I felt sorry for the ‘brainless’. It was indeed a tough question.  I popped in to see my old friend

Johnny Nowt-Uptop and he was struggling…..really struggling.  “What do you reckon Nat?” he asked. “To be honest with you, Johnny,” I replied, “It’s got me beat. I’m sure the answer is staring us right in the face, but I’m blowed if I can see it.”

We decided to solve the problem was by the process of elimination. Nowt-Uptop was quick off the mark. “Well,” he said, with an air of authority, its most definitely NOT that pass port thing.” I thought about it and said I tended to agree with him. “You see,” he continued, “I am pretty sure that port is a drink that toffs drink after their dinner and someone once told me that they were always arguing as to whether it should be passed to the left or to the right. Can you imagine; CAN YOU IMAGINE the problems at Airport Security when I turn up with a bottle of port not knowing which way to pass it?” I agreed it would be total chaos, and we immediately deleted option A from our list.

We pondered over the remaining two options. “Let’s take the Bus pass next,” said Nowt-Uptop. “We are getting a bit warmer here, I think. You travel in a bus don’t you?” I scratched my head.

“Careful Johnny, could be a trap; the holiday on offer includes travel by AIR and…..” Nowt-Uptop interrupted me. “Stop right there Nat, they can’t fool us! It doesn’t take an ‘Ainstain,’ or whatever the name of that genius is, to tell us that buses do not fly. Scratch out option C.”

We looked at the remaining name on the list. GAS BILL. “I think we’ve cracked it. It’s got to be the gas bill”. Johnny gave me a ‘high five’ and continued. “I bet you anything you like that when we get to the airport there will be signs that read….’Please have your travel documents and gas bills ready for inspection at Security. To avoid delays please ensure that your gas bills are presented face up with the meter reading clearly in view’.  I stood up to leave, and said to Nowt-Uptop, “Good luck Johnny and I hope you and the Missus have a good holiday. You are sure to win.”

Two weeks later, I bumped into Nowt-Uptop and asked him if he had won? He looked at me miserably, and said, ”I haven’t heard yet, but even if I have won, we won’t be able to go on the holiday.” “Oh dear,” I said, “and why is that then?”  Johnny paused for a moment, and then said slowly. “Mrs. Nowt-Uptop has told me that we are NOT ON GAS, we are on Electricity, so I won’t be able to present the correct document…..” Ah well, that’s life !